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When I moved into my present abode, I started to have the strangest timez...
I'd done dope twice before I moved here, the first time I'd never even smoked a fag and my FIRST boyfriend offered me some, so I took a DEEP breath, coughed myself silly and then wandered around saying how I felt "Dis-Jointed"...or "Disconnected"....
I set fire to some of his stuff over a small argument and he eventually rode of into the night on a bike...never to be seen or heard from again.
I'd been a heavy Vodakholic since 15, but my consumption went out of control after my 'first' left...I didn't think I was that upset, sort of washed over me as most things do, guess I DID have some feeling after all! *laughs*
The second time was a yogart my Bro made me, I couldn't keep track of time (3 second attension span) and went off the the Arcades with my Bro...he managed to complete a driving game he'd never completed before, and I was standing there swaying in the breeze and saying "Please Bro, shut up...I can't talk"...We then went back homewards and I found for the first time in nearly 10 years I could run up the stairs the my flat without being in agony...twas reeeeeaaaal sweet. Then I went and did loads of press ups and danced around a bit and got my first nose full of poppers, again thanks to my Bro...for the FIRST time I actually felt GOOD and able to jump around the way I wanted...gave me HOPE.
Shortly before that I'd been going slowly out of my mind, but after that day I started to think about things in a different way...within a year I was living in a new house, with my new partner and trying to get custody of my son.
It seemed that my life would change finally and I COULD have a good life...
...but then, it all went to hell...I couldn't get my son and the father caused me a lot of problems...you buy ONE satanic bible and they think your a satanist...*rolls eyes*...not allowed to be curious then? to weak minded to not be able to decide for myself? think I'd start hexing people?...
...*sigh*...anyway, so I drank a bit...nothing like the old days, people 'got worried' and started trying to 'help'...It got my angry, people getting in my face all the time! so drank more to keep my temper under control...then of course I found you could get REALLY off your face on pills/poweders/weed/whatever for the same price of a bottle of vodka...so I swopped before my liver packed in and went about doing direct damage to my brain.
Why waste time eh?
I couldn't be seen to commit SUICIDE as my family would have been shocked and my son would have grown up with that on his mind, oddly, I figured if he thought I'd died whilst living the Rock'&'Roll life style he'd learn from my mistake and NOT GET INTO DRUGS...that was the plan.
Unfortunatly I guess someone figured it out, they stopped getting drugs all together so I was chewing my own hands off trying stop the 'pain'.
I wasn't an addict, I just REALLY wanted to die the way I wanted to die and serve as a warning to others.
As 'luck' would have it though I was 'sick' anyway, the pain wasn't bad, but I was losing my sight, my hearing and my eye was slowly being pushed out of it's socket.
I BEGGED every night I'd not wake up, but each day I did...sitting on the sofa, waiting...waiting...
But here I am today, feeling a little more perky...*humph*
.......I'd sell my hind teeth for a bottle of vodka, being sober is the WORST thing in the world for me...why can't people let me DIE my way?!!
I just wanna get stoned, drunk and LAYED until I pass out on inhale my own vomit!...
...but I'm a bleeding NUN with a vow of semi-clean living and Celebacy...NNNAAAAARRRRRRG!...
...well, at least running around and yelling is allowed...I think GoD has a really sick sense of humore, of ALL the people to be a NUN I get the job...*waves fist at the sky*...
"SMITE ME OHHH MIGHTY SMITER!"...
...*no result*...
Jeeze this dude is tough to annoy...*wink*
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Reason 1 not to drink....
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Nice huh?
Now this guy looks pretty good compaired to me...just add a mohawk, and pool of red vomit, a dead chicken stappled to his leg and a dead cat on his lap and you have a rough idea of what I was like.
But I'm not the smiling kind...
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